Pleasant Hill, Missouri            Wednesday, September 20, 2017             ©2017 Pleasant Hill Times

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He’s the king of jokers
     By F. KIRK POWELL

..,I thought I knew more dumb jokes than anyone else around these parts.
..,It turns out I was wrong. Larry Ellis has me beat.
..,An electrician who has worked for Western Electric in Lee’s Summit and for Bary Porter in Pleasant Hill, Ellis might well be the “King of Jokers” in the Kansas City area.
..,In addition to entertaining audiences for over 65 years with funny stories, Larry has written a book filled with his jokes. Medicine for a Merry Heart is 325 pages of jokes that he has heard and told over the years.
..,The mystery for me is how Larry has remembered them all. I can’t remember a
joke five minutes after I’ve heard it.
..,I ran into Larry during lunch at McDonald’s in Pleasant Hill last week and bought a copy of his book and asked him if I could use a few of his jokes in my column.
..,“I stole most of these jokes,” he answered, “and I don’t know why you can’t steal a few from me.”
..,A lot of Larry’s jokes are pretty dumb, some are so dumb that they are actually funny.
..,For example, Larry says life is a lot like a dog sled team. If you ain’t the lead dog, the scenery never changes.
..,How can you tell a blonde has been using the computer? There’s “White Out” all over the screen.
..,Larry says he once played hooky from school and the teacher sent his mother a “thank you” note.
..,He says last Christmas, he told his wife he wanted an antique for a gift and she had his birth certificate framed.
..,Larry tells that he has a neighbor with a weird problem. The lady next door went to the doctor with a cucumber in her nose, a banana in an ear and a carrot in her other ear. The doctor told her she wasn’t eating right.
..,“Be careful driving home tonight,” Larry warns his audiences. “Remember, almost 96 percent of all people are caused by accidents.”
..,A man walks into a bar with a chunk of asphalt under his arm, Larry tells, and asks the bartender to give him a beer and “one for the road.”
..,“I don’t get these people who instead of buying a 4-pack or 8-pack of toilet paper, buy a single roll,” Larry says. “What? Are they trying to quit?”
..,Larry tells about a farmer who just bought a new tractor. It doesn’t have a seat or a steering wheel. It’s for farmers who have lost their rears and don’t know which way to turn.
..,Larry says, there was once a man who when he lived at home was so fat, they had to let the shower curtain out.
..,Why do vampires drink blood? Larry says it’s because coffee keeps them awake all day.
..,Finally, Larry says everyone has a photographic memory. Most of us don’t have any film.


HOCOproposals
     By LIZZ TALBOT

...Hocoproposal. Yeah... that’s maybe not technically a word per se... but... um... it’s a thing now. Like when Brad Pitt got together with Angelina Jolie and people labeled them Brangelina? Hocoproposals or Hocoprosals are popping up all over social media. Currently these Homecoming dance proposals are becoming almost as popular but slightly less flashy as the increasingly famous promposals (which we’ll see in regularity this next spring).
...By the way, according to the current high school generation, “HOCO” is now the proper abbreviation for Homecoming. If you have yet to figure out, our future is all in abbreviations, pictures and hashtags. LOL Ok, I got derailed.
...The goal of the hocoproposal is to get elaborate and/or public when asking someone to the dance. Often times these proposals are cheesy and funny as well as specific to the individual being asked. Guys often recruit the help of female friends for ideas on how to ask and also for their neat and tidy sign-writing abilities.
...Although this is getting more mainstream attention due to social media, the concept itself is not new.
...According to an article in the Washington Post the first newspaper story to use the phrase ‘prom proposal’ seems to have been the Dallas Morning News, in 2001. The paper was commenting on what was, at the time, a charming new phenomenon. Kids were asking each other out to prom over the loudspeaker. One young man rewrote the words to Adam Sandler’s song in “The Wedding Singer”... “All I wanna do / is go to prom with you.” ... The young lady accepted his request.
...The idea of the dance proposal has in the last few years become increasingly more frequent and has begun to incorporate other dances in addition to prom - such as Homecoming. In the last few weeks I’ve heard about a football player asking by writing on the game ball in gold lettering “Let’s tackle HOCO together?!” and I’ve seen HOCO? spelled out on more than one fence in tiny lights displayed for what I’m assuming is a ‘non-chalant’ ­­drive by.
...I have shared here some of my favorites for those young lads still looking for ideas to woo their lady fair into saying yes to Homecoming.